Consider this common situation between two people (particularly in marriage):
One person brings a sincere complaint to the other, and the second person’s defensive response is, “But you do this other thing, that bothers me as well.”
Any criticism that only serves as a rebuttal or diversion from a complaint, is not legitimate to bring up at that time.
If one is not concerned enough about an issue to bring it up independently, it only serves to evade, when mentioned while dealing with another matter raised by the other person.
Bartering with faults is not wise or productive. It actually calls for mutual excusivity, which is eventually fatal in relationships.
Love that excuses small concerns by not addressing them seriously, eventually may harden into ignoring and even despising the person with bigger issues.
The test for progress or failure is whether the person bringing up something, believes the other person understands.
Rules of engagement:
+Stick to one subject at a time.
+Introduce your concern when there are no outstanding issues on the table.
+Show that you actually get what the other person is saying.
+Take the time to talk, and listen.
+If you know you both have time to talk and listen, you do not have to become anxious or lose self-control.
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